teenage_cunt's Journal

Monday, March 13, 2006

5:26PM

(1) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(2) Grease
(3) Pirates of the Caribbean
( ) Boondock Saints
( ) The Mexican
(4) Fight Club
(5) Starsky and Hutch
( ) Neverending Story
( ) Blazing Saddles
( ) Airplane
(5) The Princess Bride
( ) Young Frankenstien
(6) AnchorMan: The Legend of Ron Burgandy
(7) Napoleon Dynamite
(8) Saw
(9) White Noise
( ) White Oleander
(10) Anger Management
(11) 50 First Dates
(12) Jason X
(13) Scream
(14) Scream 2
( 15) Scream 3
(16) Scary Movie
(17) Scary Movie 2
(18) Scary Movie 3
(19) American Pie
(20 ) American Pie 2
(21) American Wedding
(22) Harry Potter
(23) Harry Potter 2
(24) Harry Potter 3
(25) Resident Evil I
(26) Resident Evil 2
(27) The Wedding Singer
(28) Little Black Book
(29) The Village
(30) Donnie Darko
( ) Lilo & Stitch
(31) Finding Nemo
(32) Finding Neverland
( 33) 13 Ghosts
(34) Signs
(35) The Grinch
( 36) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
(37 ) White Chicks
( 38) Butterfly Effect
(39) Thirteen Going on 30
(40) I, Robot
(41 ) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
( ) Universal Soldier
(42) A Series Of Unfortunate Events
( ) Along Came Polly
( ) Deep Impact
( ) KingPin
(43) Never Been Kissed
(44) Meet The Parents
(45) Meet the Fockers
(46) Eight Crazy Nights
(47) A Cinderella Story
( ) The Terminal
(48) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
(49) Dumb & Dumber
(50) Dumb & Dumberer
(51) Final Destination
(52) Final Destination 2
(53) Halloween
(54) The Ring
(55) The Ring 2
(56) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
( ) Practical Magic
(57) Chicago
(58) Ghost Ship
( ) From Hell
(59) Hellboy
(60) Secret Window
(61) I Am Sam
(62) The Whole Nine Yards
(63) The Day After Tomorrow
( ) Child's Play
(64) Bride of Chucky
(65) Ten Things I Hate About You
(66) Just Married
(67) Gothika
(68) Nightmare on Elm Street
(69) Sixteen Candles
( ) Coach Carter
(70) Bad Boys
(71) Bad Boys 2
(72) Joy Ride
( ) Seven
(73) Ocean's Eleven
(74) Ocean's Twelve
(75) Identity
( ) Lone Star
( ) Bedazzled
(76) Predator I
(77) Predator II
(78) Independence Day
( ) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
(79) Darkness Falls
( ) Christine
(80) ET
( ) Children of the Corn
(81) My Boss' daughter
(82) Maid in Manhattan
( ) Frailty
( ) Best Bet
(83) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(84) She's All That
( ) Calendar Girls
( ) Sideways
(85) Mars Attacks
( ) Event Horizon
( ) Ever After
(86) Forrest Gump
( ) Big Trouble in Little China
(87) X-Men
(88) X-2: X-Men United
(89) Jeepers Creepers
(90) Jeepers Creepers 2
(91) Catch Me If You Can
92) The Others
(93) Freaky Friday
( ) Reign of Fire
( ) Cruel Intentions
(94) The Hot Chick
( ) Swimfan
(95) Miracle
(96) Old School
(97) Ray
(98) The Notebook
( ) K-Pax
(99) Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
(100) Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
(101) Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
( ) A Walk to Remember
(102) Boogeyman
(103) Hitch
(104) The Fifth Element
(105) Star Wars Episode I The Phantom Menace
(106) Star Wars Episode II Attack of The Clones
(107) Star Wars Episode III Revenge of The Sith
(108) Star Wars Episode IV A New Hope
(109) Star Wars Episode V The Empire Strikes Back
(110) Star Wars Episode VI Return of The Jedi...
(111) Troop Beverly Hills
( ) Swimming with Sharks
(112) Air Force One
( ) For Richer or Poorer
( ) Trainspotting
(113) People Under the Stairs
( ) Blue Velvet
(114) Sound of Music
(115) Parent Trap 1
(116) Parent Trap 2
( ) The Burbs
(117) The Terminator
( ) Empire Records
( ) SLC Punk
(118) Meet Joe Black

I need to stop going to movies with friends

(comment on this)

Wednesday, February 8, 2006

1:03AM

The Meaning of Life & my Philosophy of Life: Even though I'm young and have not yet

reached the prime of my life, I can only come up with one thought of what the meaning of

our lives is. I've thought about myself growing up and moving on through my life,

experiencing different stages and procedures I will eventually go through. I've thought of

everything up to my own death and realized that once it's over for me, life still goes on for

everything else. So what is the point for anyone living at all? If no one in the existence of man

kind could come up with one answer, that could only mean there is either no answer or many

answers. I believe in the idea of there being many answers which all are in each human being.

I believe the meaning to our lives has to be created by ourselves; One answer from each

individual. The answers we come up with may be the result of a problem in our lives. One

might be miserable so they make their meaning to become blissful. Another may be bored so

they make their meaning to achieve excitement. Unfortunately, the meaning of life may not

exist at all for some. A man can choose to drift through life without a care or any thought of

putting an effort towards a benefit to himself or others. Some people may just see their lives

as pointless and feel no need to live at all. My own purpose in life is for myself and my

family. I don't want to achieve anything if it's only for myself but I want to achieve to make

myself feel good and I feel good because my family is proud of what I achieve.

Along with my idea of the meaning of life being dependant on each of us, I hope to live my

life the way I want to live it. I don't want to end up working for something that I don't want. I

don't want to live my life by making decisions based on some factor that I don't have control

over. If I work hard, I want it to be for the people close to me and myself. I hope to be so

successful that I end up completely free from anyone's commands. I hope to have my life

belong to me.

Love: To my understanding, there are many types of love in this world. The one I'm most

familiar with is the love between friends and family. There's something inside us that makes

us drive towards helping and feeling for our friends and family. Then there's the subject of

romantic love which I don't believe in. Some consider it to be a myth with which I highly

agree. That stuff only exists in the movies and in the imaginations of the people oblivious to

what the real world is like. Marriages that are supposed to last until death breaks it apart

break prematurely over petty arguments and mistakes. It's all human nature really. I

understand that this love is necessary for human development. Everyone longs to love others

and to feel loved in return. Everyone is so desperate for love and run headlong into

relationships they're just not ready for. Then it all ends up becoming a mess leading to

people, like me, not believing romantic love to be real. The only love I can be concerned

with is the love of my family friends. I depend on that love to lead a pleasant lifestyle. I

depend on that love to accompany me through the inevitable hardships of my future.

Ethics: If my characteristics were listed and arranged from least expressed to most

expressed, moral would be at the top of the list. In the past, I used to fall victim to the typical

childish dilemmas such as peer pressure and stupid mistakes. I'd let myself get influenced by

my friends and did things that I wasn't necessarily proud of 5 minutes later. Then there were

times when I did things that I thought would end up one way but resulted in a totally different

situation. I'm very vulnerable to guilt. If I do anything wrong at all, I dwell on it for quite

some time. The familiar feeling of guilt the key to my morality and the way I think. If the

situation involves the possibility of someone getting hurt on my behalf, I think things through

thoroughly. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so sensitive to the feeling of guilt. I'd be able to deal

with my problems and mistakes much more easier. I'd spend less time dwelling on the

aftermath and move on ahead with other situations. But if that were to happen, I'd be that

much worse of a person. I'd lose my conscience which is what keeps me out of trouble and

keeps me being a good person.

Evil: When I think about my ethics, I realize it's what holds me back from doing wrong

and hurting others. I don't want to hurt because I'll only hurt myself with the pain of guilt. For

people consumed by evil, they don't feel the things moral people feel. That's where they

draw their strength from. That's how they have the mental capacity to commit the vile crimes

they commit. Within the journal pages of Kip Kinkel were messages stating he didn't feel the

pain of guilt or the joy of love. He said things like "If I had a heart, it would be grey." and

"...my cold black heart has never and never will experience true love.". The absence of love,

like in Kinkel's case, means hate must exist.

Adolph Eichmann's case of evil was greater than that of Kinkel's, in my opinion. He was

responsible for the deaths of millions. All evidence lead to the conclusion that he took part in

the Holocaust yet he denied all of the charges against him all the way up until the point in time

in which he was sentenced to death. When I saw the video footage of his trial and final

verdict was announced, I noticed no expression on his face indicating fear. Eichmann felt no

guilt in what he did, I'm sure. Even in the face of death, he remained selfish and dishonest.

Hope & Faith: There are surely many people in this world that feel as if life has no

meaning. They may realize that we begin to die as soon as we are born and the time we've

been given isn't long. People like this find ways to keep hope and faith in some form to help

them on their journey through life and discover a meaning or reason to life as a whole. Some

turn to religion. Other's set some sort of goal that may or may not be achieved easily. Some

live for others close and dear to them. It takes a lot of courage to put faith on something that

isn't known to actually exist; like heaven and hell. What really happens after you no longer

exist on this earth? What happens to you as your lifetime ends at a certain point in time but

the clocks keep on ticking? I said it takes courage to have faith in the idea of something after

death because, in most cases, one has to devote their precious time to achieve the

opportunity of existing in another place. The whole faith and hope concept ties in with the

meaning of life. If there is no meaning to life, what's there to have hope and faith in?

Success & Happiness: In my opinion, success is whatever an individual makes it out to

be. Success comes in too many forms. For example, money, love and personal standards

and goals. Success can also exist in the eyes of the third person. One may not consider

themselves successful but they lead a life that others may be envious of. Overall, I consider

true success to exist when the individual is conscious of their achievements and live contently

because of those achievements. Success and happiness coincide with eachother. One cannot

be without the other. If someone has excessive wealth but is miserable in every other aspect

in his life beside his financial position, is he successful? In the eyes of a man who doesn't

have that wealth, it may seem so but he cannot feel the misery behind it. I also see true

success as a path leading to one's peace with death.

Death: Death is a very powerful thing in this world. Mainly because it is absolute. It's

nothing one could be uncertain about because it exists as long as time exists and time just

keeps on ticking and ticking away. Death can be feared, embraced, confronted and cheated,

but it finds everyone eventually. I've recently had a relative pass away. It's the first time I've

had someone in my life that knew to have had die. I wasn't close to them really, but their

death only makes me think of who's next. I know it's coming but there's just no way to

prepare for it. The more I think about it, the more it saddens me. I think of the meaning of

life and almost rush myself into finding one because a lifetime isn't much time at all these

days. The more I think about how much pain my other family members must have felt made

me think of what I'll feel everyone I know begins to reach the end of their lives and

eventually pass on. I'm afraid of the pain really. Maybe more now than I'll be later on in life.

When I think about my own death, I'm not afraid at all. I'm one of those people that think

when you die, you're dead. It's only natural for me and my logic. It's having to live on while

others don't that scares me.

Dear generation,

By the time you begin to read this, you're well on your way to the beginning of your own

personal life and I hope you hold on to as many memories before then as you can. By the

time you're a little older, you'll know just how easy life is for you right now. You have

everything to be dependant on. You have almost nothing to do on your own and tha's oka

because there's still room to grow up. For me, it's about time to start worrying about my

future. I'm getting low on time with my place in school and at home relying on others to

educate and support me. I only hope that you can put in effort into all of the work you do.

Your ethics and effort are all you have that are dependant on yourself. No one else can do

the work for you. Life for me now looks like a clean slate, just like my mind was when I was

born. It's ready to be filled up with new knowledge and wisdom only this time, most of it will

come from me and not the ideas of others being taught to me. I've learned that one has to

learn fast in life, otherwise, you get left behind fast. Just try to be ready for anything and be

ready to work. You don't have to like it, but you have to know that it has to be done. The

decision is entirely yours. Just make the one that will make it easier for yourself.

Sincerely,
Caileigh Kilgore.